The Complete Guide to Lube
In an ideal world, we would never need lube. All women would be as wet as the want all the time, spit would be a great lubricant, and also STDs wouldn’t exist.
But in the real world, lube is an essential tool you should absolutely know about to have fulfilling sex life. Not only because it can make it dramatically better for all partners involved, but also because it’s very easy to make mistakes that could range anywhere from mildly annoying to putting you and your partner at risk of catching an STD.
But don’t worry, you don’t need to know many things to choose the proper lube for the situation, so keep reading.
Why use lube in the first place ?
Disclaimer : don’t use it to be lazy
It’s probably no secret to you that sex feels better when it’s slippery. I’d even say “the more slippery the better”, but apparently some people like a bit more friction.
Anyway, “completely dry” is certainly not desirable in any case. No woman likes that, ever, and honestly I can only imagine that being really painful for us men too (don’t know, never tried a so obviously shitty idea).
Ideally, you’d want to make her wet with your tongue game, finger game, or both. Or toy game btw. In most cases, that will be enough (I actually barely remember times where I needed lube to have pleasurable-for-both vaginal sex).
There are numerous situations where lube is great, but one thing I don’t want you to use it for is as a placeholder for actually making your partner cum. Please don’t be a lazy shit and lick or touch that pussy.
Also, note that lube is not a guarantee that penetration is not gonna be painful for her. “Foreplay” and orgasms also make her vagina “loosen” a little bit, which leaves space for your dick. Just pouring lube in there won’t change the fact that she’s not turned on, and not ready to be fucked to eye-rolling orgasms.
In which cases lube is great
That being said, there are many cases where lube is wonderful :
Dryness but not from a lack of pleasure
Even when pleasuring her, she could stay dry or dry-ish, for various reasons that could have nothing to do with you. It could be temporary stress or a more lasting condition that would require a consultation with a medical professional, or just a moment in her cycle when she’s drier, pregnancy, age, etc. It could be a LOT of things. And lube can a life saver (or sometimes not be enough, but it can only help).
Reduces friction
Lube reduces friction (that’s the whole point), which has three advantages :
Lower risk of broken condoms (it should never happen if you choose your condom well, I’ll explain that in my Complete Guide to Condoms : leave a comment if you want me to prioritize this topic)
Generally, less friction = more pleasure (I mean, up to a point, but no friction at all is impossible anyway, unless you’re fucking air). (this is actually backed by serious studies like this one)
Even if she’s really wet to begin with, if you’re fuckin for quite a while (click here if you don’t know how), especially several times in a row, friction could start hurting you or her after a while. Lube will help a lot with that, or even prevent it altogether. I wish I knew that when I was with my first girlfriend and I had to go to the ER where they basically told me to stop having sex so much 😂 (ah, to be 19 and relentless !)
It’s very good for masturbation
Lube is also excellent for jerking off (especially one type of lube, but I’m getting ahead of myself). If you’re circumcised you probably already use it because you have no choice.
But I’m french, and we mostly don’t practice mass genital mutilation on children, so most men are not circumcised here. Which generally makes us just use the foreskin to jerk off.
I’m here to tell you guys : this is MUCH better with lube. Sure, it’s a bit messier. But I mean, you’re gonna cum everywhere anyway, so 🤷♂️
It allows for a wider variety of sensations, and also for longer sessions, which helps lasting longer. I plan to write about healthy jerking off (I think the whole no fap thing is a gigantic pile of bullshit), but that’ll have to wait a bit.
But it doesn’t stop there : with your partner, it can help a lot. Because let’s be honest : the vast majority of women can’t properly jerk you off without lube.
I mean, it’s understandable. It’s not easy to grab the foreskin at the just the right place, with the right pressure, and do the right movement.
But add a bit shitload of lube, and tada ! Magic hands ! (especially if you shave your balls. Seriously, do it.)
Basically the only way to fuck with water involved
I don’t know about you, but when I was young, fuckin in the shower sounded really hot, but after trying it, it was more like “why in the actual fuck can’t I put my dick in ?”
The problem is women’s secretions are mostly water, so they get washed out easily with water. And then it’s not slippery at all. Not great.
But there’s some lube that can help a lot in that situation. Stay tuned, it’s coming.
Helps a lot for some sex toys
Sex toys are great, but a lot of them are better used with lube. Or even straight up impossible to use without.
Basically all male sex toys need lube : you’re not gonna be able to put your dick in a silicone sleeve without lube.
Female sex toys are more varied, but those you can insert could often use some lube (they often don’t keep moisture as well as your cock).
And of course, all anal toys need lube (and a shitload of it)
Mandatory for anal sex
Which brings me to the last use of lube : anal. Whether you use your cock or a sex toy (on her OR on you), you’re gonna need lube to get in there. It doesn’t naturally lubricate, so you 100% need some. And generally a very generous quantity.
If you’ve only seen anal in porn, just know this is probably the least truthful part of porn. I feel people sometimes overstate how fake porn is (especially now that actual amateur porn represents a lot of what’s out there), but the representation of anal is 100% catastrophic. In real life, it takes time, patience, and a LOT of lube. But that’s something that’ll require its own post.
Ok, now that we’ve seen why and when to use lube, let’s see which types of lube exist, and in which case you should use them.
The 3,5 types of lube
Lubes usually have quite a few different ingredients, but they’re simply categorized depending on what they’re mainly made of. It changes A LOT of things, so that’s the main information you need about a lube.
Water based
Water based lubes are mainly made of water (no shit), like vaginal fluids btw. They’re the most common, by far.
Pros :
Generally pretty cheap (it’s 95% water)
Easy to find
Compatible with everything : all condoms and all toys.
Easy to clean
Cons :
As it’s cheap to produce, there’s a lot of bad or mediocre products out there with harmful chemicals, so be careful to choose the right one.
As they’re water based, they generally get absorbed quickly by the human body, which means you need to apply more very regularly.
By default, they’re the least slippery of the bunch, although some more high end versions can be pretty ok.
Even if they’re easy to clean, they often leave a sticky sensation afterwards, so you’re gonna feel that while you lay on the bed out of breath.
A word on pH
pH is a scale to measure if a water-based liquid is either acidic, alkaline, or neutral.
It goes from 0 (really fuckin acidic) to 14 (really fuckin alkaline), and both will literally melt your body. 7 is neutral.
The vagina has a pH ranging between 3.8 and 4.5, but the rectum is 6-7.
Thing is, introducing a lube with a pH too different from the body can cause problems, like irritations, burning sensation, or even lower the body’s defenses against infection. Not cool.
That’s why you should check the pH when buying water-based lube. And ideally get one around 4.5 for vaginal sex, and one around 6-7 for anal sex.
Sounds like a headache ? Don’t worry, I’m giving you a selection of products at the end of this post.
Osmolality
Ok, I’m getting into more sciency territory here, but it’s an important point.
Osmolality is a way to express how much shit there’s in it beside water. The unit of measure is mOsm/kg.
If you have pure water (H2O), with nothing else, its osmolality is 0 mOsm/kg.
The thing is, when you put together two water-based liquids with different osmolalities, they balance each others water concentration, because physics.
Think of it as having a cold room, and hot room of equal size. If you open the door between them, at some point, they’re gonna have the same temperature.
So the thing is, the fluid that’s in the body’s cells (and so in the vagina or rectum) is around 280-290 mOsm/kg. Which means :
if you have a lube with a much higher osmolarity (so less water overall), water is gonna get out of her vagina cells to balance it. Which means it’s gonna get dryer. The OPPOSITE of what you want (plus it can causes inflammation or even infections).
On the contrary, if you use a lube with lower osmolality (more water overall), her cells are gonna suck up the water, which is gonna make them swell. Not great either, because tissues swelling is not very natural and can cause inflammation too.
But if you get a lube with a similar osmolality, the cells are gonna stay hydrated and intact.
So that’s what’s recommended.
My take on water based lubes
In my experience, they have a major defect : they dry easily. And we put lube to make it slippery, so to me it’s just generally not a great product.
That being said, the other types of lube all have some cases where it’s a BIG NO NO to use them, so it’s always good to have one good water based lube in case you need it. Once you’ve tried the other ones, you’ll basically never need it, but when you do, you’ll be glad you have some in your nightstand.
Oil based
Oil based lubes are mainly made from a fat substance, which can be either petroleum based (like Vaseline) or plant based (like coconut oil).
Pros :
They feel really nice and slippery
Great for massages
Last way longer than water based lubes
Not easily washed with water (you need soap), which means it works great for shower sex
Compatible with silicone toys
Some will taste good
Cons :
Hard to clean, and pretty messy (some oils can stain some fabrics)
Absolutely not compatible with latex condoms (and can even pose problems with some non latex condoms like polyisoprene)
Not compatible with any sextoy made from a porous material
Petroleum based lubes can increase the risks of infection and irritation
Some oils can cause other problems linked to pH
Petroleum vs plant based
Mostly, you’re gonna want to stick to plant based oil lubes, because petroleum based lubes double the risk of vagina inflammation and yeast infections.
The most popular choice is coconut oil (choose an unrefined coconut oil). It feels and smells great, it’s a really good choice. Only drawback is it becomes solid below 24°C (75.2°F), so if it’s a bit colder than that, which is often the case, you may have to heat it up to get it out of the tube, depending on how it’s made.
But if you can just put your hand in there and take some, it’ll quickly melt with your body heat.
You can also buy fractionated coconut oil to avoid that, but some people might like the fact that it melts on the skin.
Problem is coconut oil has a pretty high pH (5.5-7.3) compared to a vagina, so if she’s a bit sensitive, it can be a problem.
Other oils work too, like almond, jojoba, sunflower, argan, ylang-ylang, … BUT you gotta check with her she’s not allergic. If she doesn’t know, try it first on a patch of skin, not straight in her pussy. If she’s gotta itch somewhere, it’s better on the arm than inside her, right ?
I do think petroleum jelly is good for one thing : anal sex. It’s really sticky, meaning it’s gonna stay right on the toy or dick, and do its job for quite a while. I think it’s nice to have some, especially because it’s pretty cheap.
Big no nos
Oil based lube have two big no nos :
You absolutely should NOT use them if you use condoms. Oils WILL degrade latex condoms to the point of breaking, so just don’t do it, it’s not worth it, especially because we have a better option. Some non latex condoms should be fine, but polyisoprene (the most common non latex component) is not, so basically never risk it.
Oil based lube WILL degrade porous sextoys, made from TPR, TPE, or PVC. Any porous material will eventually be damaged.
Be careful, because some toys might feel like they’re silicone, but they’re not. You can only know by looking at the product description. If nothing is written, it’s probably porous : silicone is more premium, so they tend to tell people their product is better.
Good thing is, oil based lube is compatible with 100% silicone toys.
My take on oil based lubes
As you can see, they have quite big drawbacks, but I still think oil is pretty good to have.
I personally have both vaseline and a generous bottle of coconut oil.
I don’t get them out if :
there are condoms involved
there’s a porous sextoy involved (I don’t have much of those, but it can happen)
I sometimes use Vaseline with anal toys, especially if they’re a bit big.
I use coconut oil for massages, sometimes masturbation, and with silicone toys not going in a vagina (so either anal sex toys or silicone sleeves).
I’d say the main reason to have some is you can have the silky feel with a silicone toy, which is what some of the best toys are made of.
Silicone based
Intuitively, a lot of people could think “silicone is not natural so it’s bad”, but it’s actually the best choice for a lot of situations.
Pros :
Extremely nice slippery feel
Different textures for different uses
Lasts a really long time, no need to reapply much (maybe a couple times if you last really long)
Doesn’t wash out with water, so great for shower sex
Hypoallergenic
No preservatives because it doesn’t need it
Compatible with all condoms
Compatible with all sex toys except silicone toys
Leaves a soft silky touch on the skin afterwards
Cons :
Harder to clean (although honestly you can dry it with a towel, and even though it’ll still feel different, it won’t be sticky)
Not compatible with silicone toys
Technically more expensive, but you use less, so I’m not even sure it actually is.
Theoretically not edible, although there’s no need to panic if you or your partner gets just a bit in your mouth. Just don’t drink the shit.
So silicone based lube is really great. You get a great feel, it poses no risk to your partner’s pussy, and it’s compatible with all condoms.
Honestly its only drawback is you need to be careful with silicone toys. Well theoretically, if your toy is made from really high quality silicone (100% platinum-cured), AND your lube is high-grade silicone, it should be ok. But the quality of the silicone is information that’s really hard to come by, so I just use oil with silicone toys.
If you have a lube and a toy you use regularly, you can do a spot test on the toy to see if it degrades (give it a few days).
My personal take on silicone lube
It is simply the best, BY FAR. I use it for everything. I have a very liquid and slippery version that’s absolutely wonderful for any masturbation or handjob action. And a thicker version that’s perfect for anal, as long as there’s no silicone toy involved.
It’s my go to if I ever need lube during sex (which mostly doesn’t happen, but it’s always there).
I honestly don’t think you could try a good silicon lube and not immediately adopt it.
Hybrid
Hybrid lubes are a mix between water and silicone lube.
They’ll last longer than water based lube, but not as much as pure silicone lubes.
They’re supposed to be compatible with silicone toys because they don’t contain much silicone, but I’d still do a spot test. And honestly I’m not sure if it could have any effect in the long run.
So honestly, the only use case I see is if you’re using silicone toys in the same place you’re then having sex with a condom, AND you really want the slippery feel (although it’s not gonna be as good).
Use cases
I know it’s a lot of info, So I’m just gonna tell you straight up which lube I think is best for each situations (ask in the comments if I’ve forgotten something).
Masturbation :
With just your hands : slippery silicon lube
With a silicon toy : oil lube
With a non silicon toy : slippery silicon lube (spot test before) or water lube
Handjob :
slippery silicon lube (she might not like the taste if she wants to switch to a blowjob, but in that case it can be mostly solved by wiping it with a towel)
Vaginal penetration (either with cock or toy) :
No use of silicon toys : slippery silicon lube
Use of silicon toys : oil lube if she supports it well, otherwise water lube
Anal penetration (either with cock or toy) :
No use of silicon toys : thick silicon lube
Use of silicon toys : oil lube, possibly Vaseline
Other factors to consider in your choice
Once you know what you need, there are still 3 other factors to consider when choosing a lube :
Thickness
The texture can be more or less thick. Basically, slippery and very liquid is good for everything except anal sex. For that, you need something that’s thicker, and is just gonna stick to whatever’s going in there no matter what. It’s basically gonna feel more like a gel than a liquid.Smell
Depends on how much you’re sensitive to smell, but let’s say a lot of lubes smell BAD. Like chemical strawberry shit, or just straight up “condom smell”. Silicon lube tend to have a pretty neutral smell, which another reason to love them.
Although it varies, so that’s definitely something to account for.Packaging
You need something that’s gonna be practical to apply during sex. My guideline is : can I do it one-handed ? If not, I don’t buy it. I don’t give money to companies who don’t think about such simple UX questions.
Another important thing is if the bottle is airtight, even upside down. You’re probably gonna put this lube in some kind of luggage at some point, and you don’t want to have half of it just leaking in your suitcase. You’d be surprised how many companies didn’t think about something that basic. My solution is to just put the bottle in a ziplock just in case, but be warned.
I’d recommend ordering the smallest available packaging first, to make sure you like it, and then buy the bigger one.
Recommendations
Ok, now let’s see the best lubes available on the market for each category. I generally recommend not going for the cheapest things out there, neither lubes that are made by condom brands. They’re generally full of harmful chemicals (that you’ll put on your dick and inside your partner), smell like shit chemicals, have a sticky texture… so just don’t.
Going a bit more high end will last you for a LONG time and you’ll love it, so in the end it’s just better value.
The best silicon based lubes
My favorite ones are YesForLov (fluid and thick for different uses), but it’s a french brand. You can get it in the rest of the world, but I guess it’s gonna be too expensive with shipping and customs.
I had to do a lot of research to find an equivalent to the sadly disappeared brand Concept S, which was my go to for like 10 years (my favourite brand of lube being dead is probably peak “ok millenial”, but here we are).
It’s so similar to Concept S I think they might have bought the company’s assets, or reverse engineered it. They even have the same three different textures (fluid, medium and thick), and the packaging is very similar.
The composition is cyclopentasiloxane, dimethicone, and dimethiconol. That doesn’t tell us how much there is, but at least it’s gonna give us some clues to find you something similar in the US.
I haven’t tested any products only available in the US (so feel free to chime in in the comments), but after a bit of research, those which seem to be both close in composition and very well reviewed are :
Sliquid Naturals - Silver. Composition is the same (Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethicone, Dimethiconol), and the brand is generally very well reviewed and has a reputation for good quality and safe products. So that’d be my recommendation.
Unfortunately, they only seem to have a fluid consistency, so if you want a thick one for anal, that’s not it. Though I couldn’t find one that was both well reviewed and silicone thick.
Gun Oil - Silicone (yes that’s the actual name, which is HILARIOUS to a european). Composition is Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, with added Vitamin E and Aloe Vera. This is probably the one that I felt got the most love online (although you do have to want to have a bottle that says “gun oil” in your nightstand, ironically or not), and composition seems close enough to me.
Überlube, with Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, Cyclomethicone, and Vitamin E. So not the same composition, I can’t guarantee it’ll feel the same, but people seem to like it a lot.
Wet Platinum : Dimethicone, Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethiconol, Phenyl Trimethicone. So almost the same, and also noted as safe (paraben free and all).
Swiss Navy. It was hard to find the composition, but apparently it’s Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethicone and Vitamin E, so close but not the same.
Astroglide X Premium Silicone : Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethicone, Cyclohexasiloxane, so not exactly the same either.
Feel free to tell me if you’ve tested several and wanna add your feedback !
The best water-based lube
As you can tell by now, I don’t really like that kind of lube anyway, but I like to have one in case of both silicone toys + condom use, and I use Sliquid H20. It’s significantly better than most water-based lubes I’ve tried.
The texture is pretty good, it’s not as sticky, and it’s also rated as safe virtually everywhere : paraben and glycerin free, and pH balanced for the vagina, so no risk for your partner.
The best oil-based lube
I generally just use unrefined coconut oil, anything with good reviews on Amazon will probably work. You can also buy a fractionated one so it stays liquid all the time.
Alright, that’s all for today ! I hope this guide helps. Lube is an important part of the sex stuff you should have, but most people still don’t really know what’s best, so I hope that helps 🙂
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